As I sit here, sipping my Sugar Free Rockstar energy drink, I wonder what the world would be like without highly caffeinated crap like this. Would we be better off? Would I be less or morelikely to punch someone’s teeth in after a long night of partying, and an early morning at work? Luckily, we will never know.

However, there are a lot of haters out there when it comes to caffeine, and I’m here in its defense. I am someone who used to feel nauseated and have severe migraines from caffeine withdrawal, yet I am still going to say that I am it’s biggest fan. Working in an environment like mine (I’m in a CUBICLE for crying out loud!!), I feel it’s necessary to have a moodalter-er (I mean, we can’t have booze here, so what they hell are we supposed to do to tolerate these people?!?!).

ODE TO CAFFEINE

Oh caffeine, how I adore thee.
Whether it’s a Red Bull, coffee, or green tea.
Without you in my life, I would snap, crackle, and pop
And we wouldn’t want that, even if I took off my top.
Other crap I need, like ginseng, guarana and taurine,
Go hand-in-hand with you, my dear friend, caffeine.
You’re the reason I’ll never go straight-edge,
And the reason I’ll always be on edge.
I love how you alter my mood,
Making me have a better ‘tude.
Because how else would I survive being here?
(Since I can’t just chug a beer)
Bring on the Rockstars, diet Pepsi’s, and coffee,
So I can get my daily dose of vitamin B.
And everything is more tolerable for you, and for me.

Bring it.

If you, or someone you know, is suffering from caffeine dependence, you can find more info at http://www.caffeinedependence.org/caffeine_dependence.html

Caffeine dependence rules all.