As I sit here, sipping my Sugar Free Rockstar energy drink, I wonder what the world would be like without highly caffeinated crap like this. Would we be better off? Would I be less or morelikely to punch someone’s teeth in after a long night of partying, and an early morning at work? Luckily, we will never know.

However, there are a lot of haters out there when it comes to caffeine, and I’m here in its defense. I am someone who used to feel nauseated and have severe migraines from caffeine withdrawal, yet I am still going to say that I am it’s biggest fan. Working in an environment like mine (I’m in a CUBICLE for crying out loud!!), I feel it’s necessary to have a moodalter-er (I mean, we can’t have booze here, so what they hell are we supposed to do to tolerate these people?!?!).

ODE TO CAFFEINE

Oh caffeine, how I adore thee.
Whether it’s a Red Bull, coffee, or green tea.
Without you in my life, I would snap, crackle, and pop
And we wouldn’t want that, even if I took off my top.
Other crap I need, like ginseng, guarana and taurine,
Go hand-in-hand with you, my dear friend, caffeine.
You’re the reason I’ll never go straight-edge,
And the reason I’ll always be on edge.
I love how you alter my mood,
Making me have a better ‘tude.
Because how else would I survive being here?
(Since I can’t just chug a beer)
Bring on the Rockstars, diet Pepsi’s, and coffee,
So I can get my daily dose of vitamin B.
And everything is more tolerable for you, and for me.

Bring it.

Â

If you, or someone you know, is suffering from caffeine dependence, you can find more info at http://www.caffeinedependence.org/caffeine_dependence.html

Caffeine dependence rules all.