BLAG SAYS: “Fuck You. You’re the only one who’s going to.”
Sometimes PWV gets more awesome and Blag Dahlia from the greatest band in the world, The Dwarves, contributes some of his words. This is his most recent contribution. Enjoy!
MUSIC FOR ME
Few phrases from the lips of musicians infuriate me more than- “I play music for me.”
Oh do you? Wow! Do you eat food and defecate for you as well? How about brushing your teeth, can you do that, too, because I smell bullshit emanating from between your lips.
If you really played music for you, how would I ever hear it? Last time I checked I’m not you, and that’s just one of the many things I should be thankful for. No, if you played for you, you’d be in your bedroom right now playing for you, instead of inflicting your insipid music on a roomful of people who probably hate you as much as I do, if they haven’t completely tuned you out already.
If you truly played for you, you wouldn’t record it either. Why do that when you can recall your brilliance anytime out in your garage by yourself? The very act of recording or playing onstage, at a party or at someone’s bar mitzvah, implies that people will hear what you’re doing. Congratulations, you’re now playing for me! And I wish you’d stop, because the worst performers always play as if there is no audience in front of them, that’s why they suck.
Isn’t it convenient, though? You play a show where there is no contact between performer and crowd, where people mill around aimlessly and wander off in the middle of a song. You make a record full of abstract phrases and rote songwriting, drab lifeless production, mediocre performances and oblivious pacing. You take a stock photo and some Helvetica font listing the tracks and call it an album cover. You play like you’re at your rehearsal space, except you’re making us pay for it with our ears.
But you’re absolved, critic proof, above the fray. Why? Because you play music for you, not those annoying people out there. You’re not some sell out, and who cares if no one’s buying!
Here’s the rub, genius, you must have heard some music at some point or you wouldn’t have any frame of reference to create or critique it. When you malign those that actually admit they are entertainers performing for paying customers you’re not just insulting me, you’re also shitting on James Brown, the Ramones, Patsy Cline and the Ol’ Dirty Bastard. You’re pooh-poohing everyone who ever influenced you. If they were playing for themselves you never would have heard them in the first place. They say you always hate the ones you love.
And it’s not just about performing, the same idea extends to creating music as well. The Beatles thought they could use some help from a guy named George Martin, Bob Dylan bounced his stuff off Joan Baez, Eminem had Dr. Dre. No less an egotist than the Nuge jammed with that guy from Night Ranger. They weren’t too proud to get some input, even with all their success. Who knows, maybe the input even helped them attain some of that glory, hmmm?
But not you! You couldn’t inspire a snotty Brooklyn coed to steal your jam from Bit Torrent. You couldn’t get fan mail from a Nigerian internet scam artist. You couldn’t draw flies to a fecal parade. You’re a real artist with integrity, but an ungrateful world just refuses to acknowledge your gifts. And it’s all because you play music…for you.
My suggestion- Fuck You. You’re the only one who’s going to.
BLAG DAHLIA
Rock Legend
April 2013
www.thedwarves.com
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About the Author
Denise Borders 39, Los Angeles. Denise founded PWV in 2008 and remains the primary manager and photographer/videographer. She is not secretly obsessed with Joey Cape.
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